"I HATE NIGERIA"

Have you heard that the federal government has earmarked 250 million naira for a 'Nigeria at fifty' documentary. "What sort of documentary?" I asked myself. "I will like to watch it o". I made this comment and went to bed.

In my dream, I saw my humble self seated on the fifth role of Ozone cinema's with a pop corn and a drink next to a white guy. I tell myself "this documentary will be interesting, e go sweet o". Suddenly the lights inside the cinema grow dim, i'm excited. Then my head elevates and i direct my eyes on the large cinema screen. It starts.

It starts with the tune our National anthem, i feel proud as i sing it. The white guy next to me is mute; then a voice begins the history of Nigeria as the visuals begin. I see Obudu cattle ranch and all its splendour, the mountains, plateau, rivers Niger and benue and Lokoja their confluence; then the national theatre. Suddenly, the picture of IBB and how he commissioned the third mainline bridge in 1990. My popcorn is almost finished and there isn't anything intriguing about my country yet. I watch, patiently; the white guy is pressing his blackberry.

Then, another picture is shown, suddenly the white dude next to me spill his drink and screams "what the fuck man" like we were watching a horror movie. "What is it?" I asked. "Damm! men, that dude is ugly men" he says. I look and see the visuals of the 'ugly dude' in what seems to be the transition from military to civilian rule. I explain to the white guy. "That's our former president, Olusegun Obasanjo". The video beams the transition to Yaradua and all the celebration then to President Goodluck.

FILM DON FINISH O.

"Wetin happen?" i asked myself. 250million naira for a useless documentary. Why didn't they show us how we had a civil war only seven years after our independence, and the visuals of our several coup. I sincerely wished they didn't miss out how Muritala's car was destroyed in one of the bloodiest coups and how dirty it his car looks in the lagos museum presently. Why did they miss out all the WWF and boxing in the federal house of assembly and some state house of assembly too. It's not fair that they missed out the pictures of Gov. Alamenseigha dressed as a woman in london and that of Olabode George in kirikiri. There is no visual of a popular house of representative member representing Edo state who speaks english i call "insult on Nigerians". Mr. Macadabance. Perhaps that would have added humour to this sham, since he seems to be the comedian of the lower house. That voice in the background forgot to give a statistics on the number of unemployed youths, our inflation rate, the high rate of kidnapping, papaknapping and mamaknapping. I didn't hear about corruption, political killings, election irregularities, NEPA problems, militants, incessant strikes, Oil spillage, the Niger-Delta and so no. Not even a solution to all those problems.This documentary is a chicanery, a complete hoax; yet a complete opposite of the present Nigeria. I kept shouting in the cinema. "Lie, rubbish, this is bad". I kept shouting till i woke up.I open my eyes as i shouted "I HATE NIGERIA".

I don't hate this country, that statement was involuntary. Just like we shout the name of our Lord 'JESUS' when we wake from a bad dream. As I still lay in my bed i wonder. "Could it be my inner feeling for this nation. Do i really love this country or am i professing the words 'i love Naija' to sound patriotic. Am i forever bound to this country like a wife to her husband: in sickness and in health, in looting and in kidnapping until death do us path. Or, do i divorce. As marriages are broken on grounds of infidelity; so can my marriage to this country be broken on the grounds of infidelity too. Besides, Nigeria has been unfaithful to me. Yet like Hilary Clinton i still stick to Bill.

You, do you honestly love Nigeria?